Drop the Rock: Letting Go of Character Defects in Recovery

Letting Go to Move Forward

The process of recovery requires us to study our relationship with substance use while we also work to understand our daily emotional burden. The healing process requires us to let go of these burdens because we need to be free from their weight to move toward recovery.

The Drop the Rock book has become a cornerstone resource for people working through Alcoholics Anonymous and other recovery programs. As an unofficial companion to AA’s Twelve Step program, this guide helps readers explore Steps 6 and 7, which focus on becoming ready to release character defects and humbly asking our higher power to remove them.

Origins: The Parable and the Book

The concept originates from a parable about a woman named Mary swimming toward a boat named Recovery. Around her neck hangs a heavy rock representing resentment, fear, anger, and self-pity. Exhausted and close to giving up, Mary prays for help. With that prayer comes a realization: she must release the rock. When she lets go, Mary immediately rises. Freed from the weight, she swims easily toward the boat and climbs aboard to safety.

The Drop the Rock book was written by Bill P., Todd W., and Sara S., and published by Hazelden Publishing. Building on this parable, the authors created a practical guide for working through Steps 6 and 7. The book combines personal stories with concrete advice on identifying and releasing character defects. Since its publication, it has sold more than 100,000 copies. The book’s success led to a sequel, Drop the Rock: The Ripple Effect, which extends the concept into daily life through Step 10.

What “Drop the Rock” Means in Recovery

Dropping the rock describes releasing emotional baggage and character defects that prevent forward progress. The rock symbolizes specific negative traits: resentment toward others, fear of the future, dishonesty with ourselves, self-pity that keeps us stuck, and anger that damages relationships. These characteristics often developed as coping mechanisms during active addiction or earlier in life. In recovery, they become barriers to healing.

This concept directly connects to Steps 6 and 7. Step 6 asks us to become entirely ready to have our higher power remove all these defects of character. Step 7 invites us to humbly ask that power to take away our shortcomings. We acknowledge that we cannot simply decide to be different people overnight. Change requires willingness, humility, and help from something beyond ourselves.

Connecting Steps 6 and 7 With Step 10

Step 6 focuses on readiness. After completing thorough inventory in Steps 4 and 5, we must become entirely ready to let go of character defects. This readiness doesn’t come easily, as we often have conflicting feelings about our shortcomings.

Step 7 moves us into action by humbly asking our higher power to remove our shortcomings. This requires genuine humility and recognizing we need help. Step 10 provides the daily practice that sustains this work. We continue taking personal inventory, and when we’re wrong, we promptly admit it. This ongoing self-examination helps us notice when we’re picking up old rocks again. The sequel explores how Step 10 helps maintain freedom from character defects.

Common “Rocks” (Character Defects) to Recognize

Recovery literature identifies several character defects that commonly weigh people down:

Fear manifests as fear of failure, success, judgment, or the future. This emotion can paralyze us, preventing healthy risks or necessary changes. Dishonesty appears beyond outright lies in deceiving ourselves about motivations or presenting false versions of ourselves to others. Resentment corrodes peace of mind, keeping us focused on past hurts rather than moving forward.

Self-pity convinces us we’re victims rather than active participants in our lives. Perfectionism drives impossible standards, feeding shame when we inevitably fall short. Control issues emerge when we try managing every aspect of our lives and others’ lives. Pride prevents asking for help or admitting when we’re wrong. Impatience creates stress as we want everything on our timeline. Jealousy and envy turn attention toward what others have. Denial keeps us from seeing reality clearly, while procrastination prevents necessary action.

These defects often developed as survival mechanisms. The problem isn’t that we developed them, but that we continue relying on them when they no longer serve us and actively harm recovery.

How to “Drop the Rock”: Practical Steps

Begin with self-inventory by reviewing your Fourth Step or creating a new one. Look for patterns in behavior and thinking. Journaling can help identify patterns and understand triggers. Be specific rather than general.

Develop readiness by examining both costs and perceived benefits of each character defect. Write them down. Usually, costs far outweigh any benefits. This clarity helps shift toward genuine readiness.

Ask for help by humbly asking your higher power to remove shortcomings. How you approach this depends on your personal understanding. Some pray, others use daily meditations or express intention. The key is humility, acknowledging we cannot transform ourselves through willpower alone.

Practice mindfulness [1] to notice thoughts and emotions without reacting. When resentment rises, mindfulness allows observing the feeling rather than being swept away. Cognitive‑behavioral techniques [2] help examine and challenge thinking patterns supporting character defects.

Seek support through regular participation in 12‑Step meetings, therapy, or peer support groups. Sharing struggles helps you feel less alone. At Alpas, we incorporate EMDR therapy [3], parts work (IFS), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy [4] to help clients address underlying issues fueling character defects.

Remember that dropping the rock is not a one-time event but a daily commitment checked through Step 10. Each day, take inventory of thoughts, feelings, and actions. When character defects reassert themselves, acknowledge them promptly and renew commitment to let go.

Benefits of Dropping the Rock

Releasing character defects yields spiritual growth and practical benefits. Reduced relapse triggers emerge as you naturally follow when releasing defects like dishonesty, control, and pride. Letting go of anger and resentment [5] fosters greater peace, better sleep, and improved relationships. Greater self-awareness develops through ongoing self-inventory, helping individuals understand their triggers and needs.

The way to achieve greater peace requires accepting reality as it exists while letting go of all forms of attachment. People who control their emotions better will develop better stress management skills through their spiritual growth which includes practices of humility and openness. People can improve their communication abilities by learning to be honest and by revealing their vulnerable side. People develop better personal boundaries through the process of stopping their need to please others.

The ripple effect extends benefits beyond individual life. When showing up as a healthier person, you positively influence family, workplace, and community.

Spotlight on the Drop the Rock Book

The Drop the Rock book earned its place as a definitive guide for working Steps 6 and 7. Its structure combines personal stories with practical advice and exercises readers can apply. The book opens with Mary’s parable, giving readers a powerful visual metaphor.

Authors Bill P., Todd W., and Sara S. published through Hazelden, a respected name in addiction recovery literature. A companion workbook provides additional reflection space. The sequel focuses on Step 10 and daily practice of maintaining freedom from character defects. Together, these resources provide comprehensive framework for personal transformation.

Finding Freedom by Letting Go

The journey of dropping the rock offers recovery’s most profound promise: liberation from self-defeating patterns and reclaiming your life. When we release burdens of resentment, fear, anger, and self-pity, we create space for serenity, authentic connection, and joy from helping others.

This process takes courage and commitment. It asks looking honestly at parts you might prefer to ignore and becoming willing to change familiar patterns. Yet rewards make this difficult work worthwhile. You can build relationships based on honesty, face challenges with resilience, and discover who you truly are.

Whether new to recovery or on this path for years, dropping the rock remains relevant. Each day offers opportunity to examine thoughts and actions, notice when old patterns reassert, and renew commitment to letting go.

At Alpas, we understand recovery involves more than abstaining from substances. True healing requires addressing underlying issues and patterns contributing to addiction. Through trauma-informed care, experiential therapies like psychodrama and sociometry, and evidence-based approaches like EMDR and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, we help clients do deep work of identifying and releasing their rocks.

If struggling with character defects pulling you back toward old patterns, know help is available. Consider exploring Drop the Rock books, engage with your recovery community, and reach out for professional help when needed. Remember that letting go makes room for peace of mind, meaningful relationships, purpose, and freedom to help others. The boat named Recovery is waiting. All you need to do is drop the rock.